Sitted on my bed right now, across from me is my laptop closed after being busy with it; searching for freelance jobs, money quest opportunities cause’ it feels like the month/year is running out so quick.

And honestly, I feel pressured by the whole uncertainties that surrounds me; the feeling my exams are in a few weeks time from now, the idea that the year is running out and, nothing to show forth. Perhaps, something is coming and, I just need to push forward like they’d say “A moving man would meet his luck”.

But, let’s not drift away from the main theme of this writing; while all these run through my mind, it just flashed across to me how I yearned for someone and, how deeply we yearn for something.

It’s not totally our fault to yearn for something or, project our desire towards something cause’ that’s really just a trait of we humans; what should be our utmost fear while yearning is, yearning in the wrong direction or, having yearned for the wrong person.

Yearning, often comes as a blessing and as a curse; we sometimes get the feeling “yearning as a blessing” where, someone whom we yearn for yearns for us back, where there’s a perceived connection between you and, who you yearned for.

…where feelings are clearly understood between you and, that person. where your absence leaves a deepest worry for them, and, you both share a deep longing to be with each other.

…where, your presence becomes an antidote to their state of being, everything about you becomes as a matter of fact, their priorities. they linger towards getting to know how you’re feeling and, you both crave for the deepest of wanting not to be metres apart from each other.

…where you’re likely to feel home across their touch and, their arms across your shoulder. where even at your most chaotic stages of life, you feel at peace by their words of reassurance.

…and where, every beat of your heart feels calmly rhythmic to theirs.

And, more often than not, yearning becomes a “curse” where, you’re exposed to yearning for someone who barely looks out for you and, who don’t share exactly how you feel.

Who barely reciprocates how exactly they ought to be for you and, whose connection with you doesn’t move rocks; the whole connection is just void of a genuine love for you, a less shared perceived way of projecting love.

It completely feels like you’re the only drive for a relationship that ought to have two participants. It feels completely lonely and, deeply hurt you.

At every moment, rather than you feeling at home, you feel like far from home and, in every instance, heartache feels like a more familiar language.

Cupid.